My 13 wishes for 2013

13 wishes for 2013:

1. To really get the help I so desperately need to get my mental health sorted

2. For my job to continue, or at least for another great job to come along at the right time

3. Get better at communicating and reaching out when I need to

4. Finish my list of 30 books to read before I'm 30 in June

5. See my family as much as possible and work on friendships harder

6. Work harder on my photography and really use it to help me deal with my depression

7. Allow myself the time to heal, and not beat myself up when things go wrong

8. Learn to believe in myself, and not trust others so fully so quickly

9. Work on getting back into burlesque properly 

10. Keep my flat tidy!!!

11. To eat better and get fitter. AND STICK TO IT! I really must get regular exercise on my list as it will help lift my mood which will in turn allow me to focus on things better

12. Drink less alcohol. It's made me do a lot of stupid things recently, and has made me rather ill for two days after going out on New Year's Eve. I embarrass myself when I am drunk, as well as others around me, and I know my drinking so much lately is down to being so depressed. This must stop.

13. I still want the people I love in this world to be happy and safe in their journeys through life. To love each other and respect each other. Understand each other. And just to enjoy being in this world. Just fucking be IN it, not on the outside looking in. Life's too short.

Say Goodbye to 2012

Suffice to say I have been terrible at blogging this year. August was the last time I was here, so let's take a look at how the end of my year panned out:

1. Derek is still cancer free and doing well :)

2. I'm still working at the Homeless centre and loving every minute. It's hard sometimes, but always worth it.

3. I have managed to spend more time with my family the past few months.

4. Still pants at catching up with peeps I don't see often, but this needs to change.

5. Unfortunately, no wedding plans will be made as there is to be no wedding. These past few months have been incredibly difficult and I have struggled to cope with most things. Which leads into my next item:

6. For the majority of this year, I have successfully managed to keep a hold of my depression and keep it under control. Not so anymore. The last 3 months have been so hard, and I am tired of the struggle. But I am still here, so that's gotta count for something. After changing meds, finally getting therapy and getting support from some truly lovely people at work, I hope I can be working towards the light again now.

7. Cherrie Pips has had a good year. Just need to make up for the last few months and get back on top again.

8. I have mixed feelings about "getting better at sharing my feelings". I've been crap about it for ages, then I shared my feelings and set them free a little while ago. Then things went tits up in a monumentally bad way. So I think I'll just keep these to myself for the time being, to avoid future hurt and confusion.

9. My photography is forming part of my therapy, so hopefully will have a new body of work to share when I'm feeling better.

10. As I said at the beginning, I'm still crap at updating my blog.

11. It's been incredibly hard at times, but I have managed the strength to ask for help this year. Sometimes it's been a little too late, but at least I got there.

12. I still want the people I love in this world to be happy and safe in their journeys through life. That will never change and always remain on my list.

Birth, Death, and Everything Inbetween...

Thought it was about time I did a proper update. I've been crap at blogging this year!

 I've been looking through my list of things that I wanted to happen in 2012, so here's the lowdown:

1. Derek is cancer free :)
2. I got an amazing job that I am grateful for every day. It's been a complete shock to the system, but I know I'm making a difference to people's lives. They have no idea how much of an impact they have had on mine. And I am so happy :)
3. Not been able to see my family as much as I'd hoped, but now I've got a job, I hope that'll change.
4.  Weddings and babies have happened this year, and keeping in touch with friends has been going well. BUT I have a tendency to forget about things. Have no fear, I'm working my way round to catching up with everyone! And I need a cwtch with little Nico before the year is out x

5. Found the perfect wedding rings :)
6. I haven't had a prolonged depressive episode at all so far this year, and I plan to keep it that way :)
7. Managed to get burlesque bookings, and even appeared at the first ever Welsh Burlesque Festival in March. Cherrie Pips is on her way up!
8. Still need to work on being able to talk about my problems, but I'm getting there
9. Now I'm an Art Therapist, I can use my photography / art to help others as well as indulge in my passion :)
10. I am still crap at updating my blog
11. I'm learning to ask for help when I need it. It's hard, but I'm getting there
12. For the people I love in this world to be happy and safe in their journeys through life - this is the big one. I am sad to say that I lost a friend 2 weeks ago. It's only really hit me in the last couple of days, so it all still feels pretty raw. But it's only increased my love for you all, and made me realise that I need to live for the moment, do what makes me and others happy, and just love being alive on this beautiful planet. Tomorrow could be my last day, and there's no way I'm going to Hell without having properly lived life first!

I love each and everyone of you who have supported me through my rough times, made me smile when I thought I never would again, held me when I cried, hugged me when I laughed, and made me giggle so much it hurt. You are all amazing, and you mean the world to me.

I love you x <3 x

I'm back!

Hello stranger, it's been a while!

Well, I've been away from my blog for a few months, but it's a new year and I want to get back up to date. 

So, to start, here are 12 things I wish for 2012:

1. To get enough money for Derek's cancer treatment (Derek is my beloved cat)
2. Get a job
3. Spend more time with my family (including the Cushleys!)
4. Catch up with friends I don't get to see often
5. Make wedding plans :)
6. Keep working to keep my depression under control
7. To really give it my all in my burlesque shows and let the world see what Cherrie Pips can really do!
8. Get better at sharing my feelings, even if they are darker than ever before
9. Make a go of my photography / art
10. Be better at updating my blog
11. The strength to ask for help when I need it.
12. For the people I love in this world to be happy and safe in their journeys through life
X ♥ X

Photo Love: Dear Photograph...

Photo Love: Dear Photograph...: Today, I want to share with you something I discovered which I have big PhotoLove for! I've been following since it started and it is a high...

New Photo Blog!

Hello all,

I have now created a blog for all my photographic interests, work etc: www.naynaysphotolove.blogspot.com

Come say hi x

Les Grèves Chien Noir

The black dog strikes...

Every once in a while, I wake up and realise I'm going to have that black dog on my shoulder all day. Today is one such day.

Today, I woke up next to my beautiful man, he's made me a gorgeous Sunday roast, and I get to spend the evening with him. Yet all day I've been feeling the darkness slowly creeping over me, unable to shake it off. I hate feeling like this. It permeates my body and my mind. The smallest things irritate me, and I am one almighty grump.

Depression is the bane of my life, and quite frankly, I wish it would fuck off. I've had enough now. I'm supposedly in recovery, I've reached out to mental health facilities, I've applied for volunteering positions, my meds have been lowered for a year now, I've had counselling and attended classes to help me understand my condition better. So why do I feel like I've not moved a step forward? In the last few weeks I've been hospitalised due to a huge panic attack, I still can't get off my meds and I can't afford to do the courses that I want to do to enhance my quality of life. I feel like I'm stuck in a box with no way out.

I know today is just a down day, it'll be better tomorrow. I just want PJ's, a blanket and my man with a big cwtch. Fingers crossed I find my smile tomorrow x