Letter To Jon Clee

Dear Jon,

Yesterday marked 4 years since you left us. I can't believe it's really been that long. Feels like only yesterday I saw you in that hospital bed to say goodbye. I couldn't even say anything the whole time I was there. I just let Leah and Carl Morris talk whilst I watched your arm twitch every now and then like you were going to wake up. But you never woke up, and I feel so stupid and guilty that I didn't use that time to say something to you.

I would have said how annoyed I was at you sometimes for being so competitive about records with Carl Rylatt. He'd be so jealous when you'd reveal your latest find, that he'd desperately try to find something to top it!

Or how truly chuffed I was when you told me you really liked my photos. That meant such a lot coming from you. I would have told you how inspirational your work was to me, and to Carl. The Acid Mother's Temple poster is still one of the most astoundingly wonderful images I've ever seen.
There were so many things I could have said to you, but I just couldn't get it out. When we left the ward, I just collapsed in the corridor and couldn't stop crying. Nothing would stem the flow of those tears.

That day was the first time I'd ever seen Carl cry. We hugged in the waiting room for what felt like an eternity, and I never wanted to let him go. You had such a huge impact on our lives. Greenman that year was all about you, Jon. We all sat in the cinema tent watching a tribute to you. It made Carl really happy, and made me realise how much he meant to me. I asked him to marry me right there.

A lot of things have happened in my life since then. Some wonderful things, some not so great. I still mourn the loss of my 2 unborn children (I was determined to find a way of getting Clee as a name if we'd had a boy!), and it still makes me sad that me and Carl never made it in the end. I felt like he was my connection to you, I guess, and I worry that I'll be forgotten by everyone.

But great things have happened too. I met Dave, who is now my fiancé, at a very dark time in my life. I fell into such a deep depression in the months after splitting up with Carl, that I came really close to ending it all. But then I met Dave, and my whole world changed. He made me feel alive again, and I was truly happy. We've been together 10 months now and he has stood by me through a lot of tough times. He's ignited that spark in me that I thought I'd lost forever, and he makes me so happy. (He's an artist, too - you'd really dig his work)

So a lot has happened in these 4 years. And even though you're not with us anymore, you are in our thoughts forever. Every year on the 21st May, I wear something pink in tribute to you. This year, I also listened to 'The Witch' as it always reminds me of you. I swear I almost saw you dancing to that once. I spent last night in Chapter with Laura, and we recounted many tales of you. We also got incredibly drunk, as I think will be the way for many more years yet!

I miss you Jon Clee. You were one of the good guys, and I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that you were taken from us so cruelly. I hope your partying with Elvis now, wherever you are.

Love Nay -x-

Woman Is Beautiful - Pen drawing submitted to Papergirl Cardiff

This is a pen drawing I am submitting for Papergirl Cardiff; 'Woman Is Beautiful'.

 I really love the female form and have spent years developing my work around it. With this piece, I wanted to capture the female shape in various positions - some contorted, stretched, crouched. I find the gentle curves of a woman's body completely captivating.

New pic in my 365 Project - Beauty within death

Trees in the Snow by naomicandice · 365 Project

Review of ‘BigLittleCity’ at The Old Library, Cardiff

As I walked into the exhibition, I was immediately hit by the overwhelming scent of incense. What relevance does that have to a celebration of Cardiff and it's people? I haven't a clue, but I found it very off-putting and totally unnecessary. As was the irritating music, which had no connection to any work in the show, played in the background on a CD player perched on a windowsill. Hmm.
So not a particularly good start, but as I wandered into the room, I realised what a fantastic space it is. Cardiff has been crying out for a show like this, and the huge windows pour in a natural light that I think is so missed in some contemporary exhibitions. A clear view into the street below the Old Library building invited the outside world in, and the BigLittleCity space is spectacular because of it. It becomes one with the immediate urban landscape and the work on show reflects life in the everyday city.

The work itself is diverse and combines the wealth of subcultures and talented artists that Cardiff has. It evokes ideas that individual communities have joined together to represent the true face of the city, through the four sections of the exhibition. (People/Places/Music/Stories) Simon and Anthony Campbell’s black and white images of 80’s Butetown are intriguing, and by far one of the best bodies of work in the show. Gareth Jarvis's broodingly dark collodian wet plates featuring Cardiff Castle’s animal wall, amongst others, are inspired. A particularly outstanding set of images is Maciej Dakowicz’s vivid photographs of Cardiff evening life. There is something so Parr-esque about them, especially the people sitting on a bench surrounded by fast food rubbish.  They evoked comparisons to his 80’s series 'The Last Resort'. 

So if we go on the quality of the work on display, then it's a roaring success and I'm incredibly proud to have something like this in our fair city, but the presentation of the space is the big let down for me. I picked up on several things that I would not be happy to see in an exhibition I was taking part in. Cables for the TV screens were scrappily half taped and appeared hurriedly painted over, the majority of the walls were in poor condition and hadn't been prepared for an exhibition properly - there were dirty marks and holes from the previous exhibition which had not been filled in - and even a wooden door that had a splash of white paint brushed across it which hadn't been finished. 

These things may seem trivial to most, but to me it's the little details in a show that matter (and have such an affect) as much as the work itself. How can you view something successfully with your undivided attention when there is chaos surrounding it? It just distracts from the intention of the show for me, and I'm upset that this has jaded my experience when there is such a high quality of work on display. It's many simple things that make such a difference, which could be so easily fixed in an hour or two.  

This is a show that we should be proud to have in Cardiff and be confident in shouting it from the rooftops. It's something we've needed for a long time and it's great that it's finally here. Just a few tweaks, and it would be perfect.

My 365 Project - latest addition!

'Dying Tulip' - 2011
I bought a pretty bunch of tulips for my kitchen table. As they started to die, they got more and more interesting and I couldn't resist getting my camera out. I photographed them clinging to their last day of life - the following day, all the petals had dropped away.


During the last 3 years, I have been suffering with depression. It's been a massive struggle at times and I think I'm only now forming a better understanding of my condition and beginning to understand it.

This year, I want my life to get better, and I've decided to document my thoughts and feelings by posting a photo a day that I feel represents my progress, on www.365.com/naomicandice. It could be something I see that makes me happy, something that represents a sad day, or an image that gives me encouragement...

At times it may be upsetting. At times it may be a struggle. But I think this is something that will help people understand what it's like from my point of view, and it will help me focus on my recovery.

As I'm documenting my depression, I thought this dying tulip was an excellent image to represent the internal feelings and thoughts I get sometimes on a bad day. The struggle of life.

30 Before 30 Project

The 30 Before 30 Project was initiated by me, for me. In 2 years, 1 month today, I will be 30, and a realisation dawned on me that I haven't read enough books. Well, good books. You know, the classics that you should have read in school, Uni etc. Aside from reading Lord of The Rings and The Hobbit for the millionth times again recently, most of my reading time in the last few months has been taken up by the Sookie Stackhouse novels (the originator of True Blood) - so not exactly fine reading, but great trashy reads nonetheless :)

So I asked for some suggestions from my good friends on Facebook in order to read 30 books before I turn 30. They came up with loads of great books, and I have just finished my first; Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. I've wanted to read this for a while now, and I'm gutted I waited so long - it's awesome! Definately a keeper, I'll read it again for sure.

Next up: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, followed by Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys.